Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
