I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
