Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
