Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
