I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
