I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
