I want to make a zoo with you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just blew my weed a kiss
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
