if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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