first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
