I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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