Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
