Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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