You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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