I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
