She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
