and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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