Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
