so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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