Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
