You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
