she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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