I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
