he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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