Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
