That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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