Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
