Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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