So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
