i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
