I can text with my tongue
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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