Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
