Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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