woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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