As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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