Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
