she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
