Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
