? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
