Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
