Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
