I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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