Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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