Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
