I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
