I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
