Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
