she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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