It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
