Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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