Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
