Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
