apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
