I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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