I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
